Sweet Surrender

surrender pic

  Surrender.  What a profound word.  It can mean conceding defeat, giving up a seat, or it can mean giving up control.   It can be easy to give up a seat to someone who needs it more; it might be easy to concede defeat.  But giving up control? Who wants to do that? Not I.

    I long ago had a dream to become an RN and I was sure this was also God’s plan for my life. Then the unthinkable happened and I was accused of hurting a child while caring for them.   I didn’t hurt said child, would never do so under any circumstances.  But boy did it impact my life.  I took my RN dreams put them in a deep dark cellar of my heart and shut it with a heavy metal door, securing it tight with the biggest, strongest pad lock I could find.  Did I ask God about this? Nope.  I decided I didn’t want to be an RN anymore,  I was going to do something else. What about God’s plan?  Didn’t care, didn’t want it.  For 2 years I stood over this cellar in my heart with its padlock, arms crossed, daring God to make me surrender.   And for 2 years he let me have my way. 

     Then two weeks ago something happened. Somehow, this dream got out of the locked down cellar and began creeping up into my thoughts.   I admit to being a bit freaked out. Surely God wasn’t asking me to do something I had no desire to do!  The bible says God gives us the desires of our heart (Psalms  37:4) so if this wasn’t my desire why would God give it to me?   I kept ignoring it, thinking it would go away.  Then I got an email about a program that fit my needs.  I couldn’t ignore the thoughts any longer.  I had to do what I didn’t want to do…. Surrender my will and desires for God’s bigger plan. 

      I would be lying if I said I had peace. I didn’t. What I had was a big knot of fear in stomach, and a lot of “ok God here is what I need from you” type of prayers.   God answered every single one of my “needs”, and although I still have a lot of fears, there is also a prevailing sense of peace.   Why did I surrender? In between the dream creeping back up, and the email, I realized a few things.  

  1. Not following God’s plan would be wasting my talent.  God gifted me when it comes to nursing.  I am good at it, and I have a brain for it.  God gives us talent to be used up. That is part of his purpose for us- to use everything he gives us.  To not do so cheats the world around us.   Surrendering to God’s plan opens up opportunities to use everything he gave me.
  2. No regrets.  I decided I didn’t want to get to end of my life and have a case of “I wish I would’ve”, “I should’ve” or “I could’ve.”  Those are the opening words to regret statements.  I don’t want to come to the end of my life and have regrets.   Surrendering  to God’s bigger plan means I can be content with the way my life was lived.
  3.  Jesus gave his life, why can’t I?  This, I feel, is the most important reason.  Jesus surrendered his life unto death to free me from all my sin and shame. He did so out of love and to share eternity with me.  Who am I to deny such a simple thing as going back to school and getting my RN?   It is a small sacrifice in light of what he sacrificed for me                       It was hard to surrender. In fact, I held on fingers bleeding and muscles trembling from fatigue and exhaustion, until the last possible moment.   When I finally gave in and surrendered? Sweet relief.   Surrendering control for God’s will and not my own isn’t and will never be easy, but it will always be sweet.      482

August 21, 2014. faith, life, spirituality, Uncategorized. 1 comment.