Habakkuk and Anger

                     Habakkuk paced the floor of his watch tower.  Arms crossed, brow furrowed, one finger tapping his lip.  Destruction, violence, fighting, corruption in the government, and perversion was running rampant.    The law God had previously laid down was useless and paralyzed.   God seemed oblivious, absent.    Why wasn’t God intervening?  Surely God, being all seeing and all knowing, was aware of it all.  Habakkuk could stand it no longer.   The anger and questions in his heart began to spew forth in verbal prayer to his God.  “Don’t you see God!? How long must I cry for help? But you do not listen?  The wicked outnumber the righteous!”   Sound familiar?

                      The things going on in our world today seem very similar to what Habakkuk described in his day.  Violence is abundant – murder, child abuse, children being killed in schools, corruption in the government, and the law seems useless sometimes.   God seems absent.   Do we have right to be angry and question God? Absolutely.    What do we do with our questions and our anger?   Like Habakkuk did, we take it to God.

                       I will never forget the session in which my therapist told me to take my anger and my questions to God.  I believe I looked at him and said “What?”  It was my belief that I could pray to God, but showing him my anger and questions was not allowed.  My therapist told me “God can handle it Mindy. In fact, God is the only one who can truly handle it. He’s a big man; he can take whatever you want to give him. You have to take it to him.”   So I did, I took all my anger and all my questions to God.  I told him all about what I thought was unfair in my situation, what I hated, I asked why, I screamed, I cried,  I told him I hated what he was making me suffer. I let it all out, not all at once, but every time the emotions and anger would begin to overwhelm me I let it all out to God.

                     God created us in his image, which means he created us to have a myriad of emotions including anger, and he created us to have questions.   He wants us to bring it all to him.  His word tells us to bring it to him in Lamentations 3:18-19:  “Cry aloud before the Lord, O walls of Jerusalem! Let your tears flow like a river. Give yourselves no rest from weeping day or night.  Rise during the night and cry out.  Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord.”   If you pour water out of a pitcher you pour till it is empty.  God wants the same thing from us. To pour out our hearts till they are empty of all our tears, anger, questions, and all that is in there.

                      A relationship with God means being real, and in order to be real we have to give him our anger and questions too.   Habakkuk got real with God, I got real with God.   Will you get real with God?  Take your heart with all your questions and anger, whether they are about the state of our world today or a situation in your own life, and pour it out to God.   He can take it.





January 16, 2014. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Being the Best

I gave up on having a list of resolutions for the New Year last year. Instead, I chose to start letting each year be about a word. Something I would focus on that would grow me in some way.  Last year as you may know my word was “Dream”.  And learn to dream I did.  This year my word is “best”.

    The idea for this began percolating in my heart a few months ago when during a conversation with a good friend she said “I just want to do the best I can with what I have been given. “  I have meditated and meditated on that very statement ever since until I knew that was what this year was to be about for me.  Doing the very best I can with what I have been given.

      This of course means doing the best I can with my finances, my time, my talents, my work, the things most people think about when considering this.  But it also goes much deeper for me.  It means loving the people God has given me in my life the very best I can.  It means accepting them for who they are and where they are in life.  Not a hard thing to do with the people in my life who are my favorites and easy to love.   This of course will be much harder with the porcupines in my life. We all have them- the people who are difficult to love.  The thing I must remember is God has placed them in my life for a reason so I must do the best job I can with loving them.            

                    I have been given so much grace and mercy that I want to give it to the best of my ability.  I struggle here.  I have blogged about it before.  They are my favorite toys and I don’t want to share.  That isn’t doing the best I can with what I have been given.  I vow to give the grace and mercy I have been given. Not begrudgingly, but freely.

                     I have been extended kindness, joy, peace, forgiveness, and acceptance.  God has given me these gifts at various times over the course of my life.  I do give these gifts to others, but I am not sure I do it to the best of my ability or even with a sincere heart.   I want to give these gifts away. They are the gifts that can truly make a difference in someone’s day or life.  I want to give them in very best way I can, with all my heart.

                    Finally, I want to do the best I can in each and every moment to stay present and be in the moment.  I don’t want to worry about the future, or agonize over a mistake I may or may not have made.  I want to do my best to stay in and absorb the now.  We are given each moment of our life for a reason and I want to be in the moment so I can know what the reason is.  I want to feel every joy, every laugh, every pain, and every tear, to the core of my soul.   I will do the best I can to absorb and be in every single moment I am given. 

                    What might be your word for this year? One friend shared with me that her word is “balance”.   I am not sure what yours might be, but I encourage you to think of one.  If you don’t that is certainly ok too.   The same friend who inspired me to be about my best this year also said something profound on the first day of this New Year.  She said “Let’s make it count.”  Absolutely.   Whether you have a word or not doesn’t matter.  Whatever you do, make this year and your life count. 

January 7, 2014. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Out with the old in with the new…

   At the beginning of the year I wrote a blog about dreaming.  I decided 2013 would be the year I would learn to dream.  I have to say it has taken me all year but I have finally learned to dream. 

   I have known for a long while now that my career as a nurse would one day end, and that pursuing my RN was not the route I was to take.   My answer to the question “What do you want to do next?” this year has been “I’m not sure.” And I wasn’t until this past week.  I know now what I want to do and what my dream is.  I will be honest it seems impossible.  It won’t happen without intervention from God.   This means I have to totally trust Him to make my dream come true, and if I remember correctly, I talked about that in my blog at the start of this year.  Trusting Him with this dream will be no easy feat, I can assure you.   Seeing my dream to fruition will take patience and hard work. It will be a matter of waiting on perfect timing.  It will mean trusting even when I don’t see anything happening.  I’m ready. I am ready for all it will take to see this dream through.  I want it that badly.   My dream is written in my journal, to remind me when I need reminding.  I can’t wait to see the ways God will make this happen.  It will be a journey.  I must be honest, I am excited about the destination, of course, but I am also incredibly excited about the journey. Why?

       The journey teaches me things.  2013 has been a journey. I lost a boy I loved with all my heart and soul.  The decision to not have children became permanent.  There were many, many tears shed.  I laughed so hard my sides hurt many times.  I feared, I hoped, I trusted, I got angry, I gave grace, I forgave.  I spent time with friends and family, and time with my husband. I made new friends.  I read books, and wrote blogs.  I went to the beach and Disney.   We found a church to call home.   I painted my first piece of art.  I spent countless hours in therapy.  I really started learning my role as a bonus/step mom to my bonus daughter.  I grew as a person and I changed.  I had moments of such utter peace that I finally knew what peace that passes understanding is.  I hoped, and I dreamed.  It was a journey. And although I have not enjoyed or even liked every second of it, I am completely grateful for every second.  Every moment counted for something, meant something.  The journey brought me to this destination: the last day of the year, knowing what my dream is, and looking ahead to the new journey.  I know there will be more of the same: peace, hope, joy, tears, Disney, the beach, family and friends. I might lose someone I love very much or I might not.  The journey holds many new joys and pains for me.  And I know I most likely won’t enjoy every moment of this next journey, but that’s all right.   Hit me with your best shot 2014, I will take the lessons learned on this year’s journey and use them.

    The destination is great and fulfilling, but there is nothing like the ride of a journey. Happy New Year!   I toast to my dream, and dreams coming true.

January 1, 2014. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.